It’s as if they have their own armor. Their own shield to protect them from the brutal attacks of the natural world. A waxy layer of skin that stands between their vulnerable souls and the dangers of reality.
The rain fires like sharp torpedoes, repeatedly pounding against her delicate limbs. The rain is malicious. The rain is persistent. It continues to bombard her fragile frame, but despite repeated attempts, it fails to kill her.
The droplets begin to accumulate, gradually weighing her down.
Her body is heavy. Her body is weak. She longs for sunshine. For clear skies and a gentle breeze. She yearns for warmth. For comfort. For ease.
She is hurting.
She has been fighting for so long, under the constant attack of mother nature’s soldiers.
It’s as if the world is against her.
She wants so badly to give up. To rest. But she seems to carry on. To stay strong.
She is resilient.
And then she realizes, that with a slight shake, she is able to disperse of the droplets. She continues shaking, and with each turn, the poison glides right off her body.
The weight is lifted off her shoulders. She is light again.
The sun emerges from the gloomy sky. Once again, she has survived.
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I liked your essay's concept. The comparison of flower to person works well and I think you are successful in conveying the emotions you are trying to convey.
ReplyDeleteAs far as being a "hermit crab" essay, I think you got the idea, but that (if this is intended to be in the form of a field guide) there are some language changes that might make it fit into that category more clearly. I like what you've done, regardless of the form, but if you truly want it to feel like a field guide, a more scientific leaning in your word choice would enhance that feeling. Maybe throw in the scientific name of the flower, or give a description of the habitat (in such a way as to reveal details about your own surroundings).The only other thing I would suggest is reconsidering the "their" focus in the first paragraph. The rest of the paper refers to the flower as "she", so you may want to keep that consistent.
I have to say that I don't understand this essay. Kristie notes above that you were using a comparison between a flower and a person...is this true? Also, I know I didn't create a correct hermit crab essay, I think you understood it a little more than me, but wasn't quite there. Its a good essay despite those facts, the use of emotion is very intense. It is also worded very delicately. It was a very good read. Can't wait to ready your essay! Good luck!
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