It’s 3 a.m.
The world is at rest.
The moonlight beams into my room through a tiny crack in the blinds.
My mind is racing.
Overflowing with anxiety.
So many questions. So many concerns. Yet I can’t seem to pinpoint just one.
My body is tense.
I try to breathe.
Instead, I choke on tears of frustration.
I need to slow down. And disengage from these obtrusive words.
The voices in my head are battling one another for attention.
I want them to stop. Let me rest.
I’m just so tired.
It’s 5 a.m.
My aching feet are begging for mercy as I force them to continue pounding on the belt of a sturdy treadmill.
Mile after mile, their cries become louder. More indicative of pain.
The voices interfere with the music of my headphones until they once again overwhelm my thoughts.
“Stop running. Stop working. Stop hurting me. Just let me rest.”
I keep pushing.
I’m still so tired.
It’s 11 p.m.
I sit in silence.
I reminisce on another long day.
Thoughts of tomorrow creep into mind without invitation.
They’re tormenting me.
My anxiety festers.
My body grows tense.
My heart begins pounding. Louder. Louder.
I need someone here.
I need someone to help me relax. To calm me down. And show me how to breathe.
I need to get out of here. Out of this apartment. Out of this state.
I need to break away from this monotonous routine.
Because I’m just so tired.
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I liked your use of repetition. The refrain "I'm so tired" ties the three sections together nicely and you made good use of the story's format. The progression through time works well too.
ReplyDeleteThe line, "So many questions. So many concerns. Yet I can’t seem to pinpoint just one." Is a little vague and might be more effective if you could be a bit more specific. The strength of the essay is in the emotional sympathy/empathy we feel for you, so anything that can encourage that feeling more, give us a sense of what you are really going through, would help.
I really enjoyed the line "The voices interfere with the music of my headphones until they once again overwhelm my thoughts." It's poetic and gives us an interesting visual/auditory understanding of your situation. The idea of "voice" comes through most strongly here.
Good work. :)
Good job. Your story was a very unique way to perceive a day. It was even quite similar to the story you borrowed from. It's written almost like a song or a poem, flows very well. The repetition also adds a sort of sweet bitterness to it, its hard to explain. Well I like it very much, I wouldn't do anything to change it. Well done.
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