“I need you to listen very carefully. You may even want to write this down.”
She speaks to me as if I were seven-years-old. I quickly grab a pen out of my apron while smiling innocently. “I’m ready when you are!”
“I’m gonna need a glass of water and a glass of cranberry juice. I want ice in my water glass. Make sure its filled to the top with ice. I like a lot of ice. But I don’t want any ice in my cranberry juice. I want an extra glass on the side filled with ice. And make sure the ice is filled to the top. I also need lime. I need a lot of lime. And I need sweet n’ low. Do you have sweet n’ low? Cause if you don’t, I’m changing my order to a diet coke.”
This is gonna be a long day.
I return with beverages, glasses of ice, a bowl of limes, and another bowl of sweet n’ low. I even bring a diet coke, just in case she’s not completely satisfied with our sweet n’ low.
“Miss, are you ready to order? Or do you have any questions about anything?”
“I’m trying to eat light, what’s in the bikini shrimp salad?”
“A mixture of iceberg lettuce, our spring mixture, salt and pepper, grilled prawns, watermelon balls, candied walnuts, cilantro, and our bikini dressing, which is a little tart.” I hope to God that was right.
“Do you have any ranch?”
Seriously, this is a CHINESE RESTAURANT. We do not have ranch, nor do we have low cal options.
“No, I’m sorry! I can have the dressing brought to you on the side if you would like.”
“No that’s okay, I don’t want to have to mix it up myself. I’ll take the salad anyway. Just give me the half order.”
Half order?
“We actually don’t do half orders, but I can always box up any leftovers for you to enjoy later.”
“But then it’ll get all soggy. Do you have any other lighter options?”
“Our egg drop and hot and sour soup are pretty light choices. You can also get any of our dishes stock velveted, which is essentially cooking the meat using vegetable broth rather than oil so it cuts down the fat a lot. Any more questions?”
“No, that’ll do. I think I’ll just take a cup of the egg drop soup. That sounds good. And bring me some of those fried wonton strips on the side. And actually get me an order of the sweet and sour pork too. Oh. And don’t forget the white rice!”
And that was only my first table.
This is gonna be a REALLY long day.
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Ah, the joys of waiting tables. This brings back some memories. You've done a very good job capturing the combination of frustration and forced pleasantness of these situations. :)
ReplyDeleteHa ha ha! Oh my gosh....I would have wanted to strangle that woman. This made me smile. My boyfriend also works at a Chinese restaurant and tells me everyday when he gets home from work about all the unusual people he meets and the high-maintenance customers like the lady you had to deal with. He gets so aggravated as I'm sure you did. Great post though! Loved reading it :)
ReplyDeleteBy the way, where do you work?
Very funny post. I loved the way you emphasized your thoughts here and there (especially the last line), felt like I was in your head. I really enjoy reading your posts. They are always very entertaining even in simple things such as taking orders from picky customers. I can see you are a very patient person!
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