Fortunately, since this course is online, it may be a little bit easier for all of us to disclose more personal information. Overall, I’m pretty comfortable discussing any topic when asked, however, there are a few components in my life that I would rather leave shaded. These topics encompass the darker side of my life, but I want you all to know that my personality does not really reflect these events. I smile a lot!
1. My dad passed away when I was nine-years-old. He was a heavy smoker and an alcoholic. It was only about three months ago when my mom finally decided to show me the certificate written by his doctor at the time of his death. Seeing the word “alcoholic” actually written on paper changed my entire perception of him. I feel like I had fake memories of him until now.
2. I moved to Arizona a little less than 3 years ago. Within that time span, I’ve lost a significant amount of weight and have been the target of concern among my friends and family. I’m pretty sure I have some issues to deal with in that spectrum.
3. Growing up, I was a very loveable kid. Today, I cant even seem to give someone hug. I sometimes even resist hugs from my own family. I have issues with affection and it’s hard for me to get past that. I seem to be the only one of my friends that is not in a serious relationship, and on the surface, it doesn’t seem to bother me, but I’ve gotten so good at lying to myself that I’m wondering if this is really affecting my emotional state. I don’t even feel as if I have made any true connections with people out here. My friendships just seem so fake.
I can't even imagine going through the hardships you've seemed to go through recently. I'm sorry about your dad and I understand why you feel the way you do. As far as the weight-loss issue goes, my family has similar thoughts about me and I can't stand it. Concerning your last issue, I can completely relate to this. I've gone through so many friends that I thought were true and dear only to find out that they were nothing like I originally thought. It's scary when you can't trust people you've been "friends" with for years. If it comforts you in any way, I have major trust issues because of that and I probably always will. You are not the only one who feels like their peers are fake. Thank you for sharing these stories. I hope you will remain strong.
ReplyDeleteArthi thank you so much for sharing your personal stories with us. Death in the family is a difficult subject to deal with (sorry for your loss and may he rest in peace) and gets even more emotional when you realize that the things you once believed in weren’t really true. You did a great job at writing about your weightloss issue; you gave enough information for the reader to understand what you are going through. I think it’s great that you were able to open up to us so well, expressing oneself through writing when it can’t be done by word of mouth I think gives us that little push in being able to communicate our feelings better as well as to relieve us inside of our emotions.
ReplyDeleteWhat you wrote about was so personal and intense, thank you for sharing. From your previous posts and everything you've shared, I would've never guessed anything like this lurking underneath. I think I can relate to you in the sense that a lot of people who know me, even those 'close', don't know a lot about my personal baggage. I keep a lot of it to myself. I have a different exterior, not fake but it masks a lot. Writing for me is stressful, but I think it is also kind of therapeutic and if you let your emotions run on paper it can open up and explain things about yourself you never knew. Not to gloss over your first and second because they are very important and I think you should expand on those subjects. I just connect so much with your third... it's only recently that I started taking initiative to hug others, or letting myself become vulnerable in a relationship (still a work in progress!)
ReplyDeleteP.S. Manila is in the Philippine islands; it's the capital :).